The One About Being Down

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
~Henry David Thoreau

Now, I’m not one who is usually down.  I may get disappointed about things, but I can nearly always see the brighter side and know that if something doesn’t work out, it’s not meant to be.

But that doesn’t stop me from feeling down every once in a great while.  And right now, I’m in a kind of funk. I’ve gotten thisclose (read: final interviews) to two jobs that I would have really enjoyed… and one was a dream job that would have allowed me to be back in a hospital setting and still work where I work now (if they let me) and have time to try to start freelancing.  But I got the e-mail this morning telling me what, in my heart, I already knew a few days ago when I had yet to be contacted and offered the job.

Right now, I’m feeling:

  • A bit like I don’t have what it takes (though I know I do).
  • Disappointed at what might have been but won’t be.
  • Worried that it’ll be worse when I try to find a job in Washington.
  • Stressed because money is getting tighter and tighter each month so that I can barely pay the bills.
  • Resigned to the fact that I’m going to have to get a part-time job like waitressing on top of a full-time one just to make ends meet–not something I had thought I’d have to do ever again.
  • Frustrated that B hasn’t made that huge last step in our relationship even though we both know and have agreed that we’ll be married by April.
  • Stressed again that because of B’s procrastination, I’m going to have to be stressed to plan a wedding in less than 6 months… most likely in the next 2-3.
  • Melancholy because I feel as though I’m in a job that isn’t fun anymore, the atmosphere is different and the best boss in the world quit two weeks ago.
  • Like my job is a go-nowhere type thing.  There’s no room for advancement.  No room for much of a pay raise, if any (and definitely not enough to even cover the cost of living hike) and it’s the same old thing, day in and day out.  I hate repetition.

But I know I’m lucky to have a job, to have benefits… and to have B.  I just want to curl up in a ball and cry it out and be done with it.  Luckily, tonight is the night I go to the hospital (yes, the same one as the interview) to do pet therapy.  That always cheers me up.


One comment

  1. Sorry, honey. We all have days like this. Mondays are the worst for me. I have a job that I’m not happy with as well. But I’m in school so I can change that career of mine. I just have to hold on for 12 more months *sigh*
    Hang in there!

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